Lay It On The Line

What the Fuck? Sometimes, you just have to say it and let things fall where they may.

The actual story is much more drawn out. But for the sake of this post, I will try to keep it short.

In high school, I was somewhat introverted. Popular, in the sense that everyone knew me. But really someone who was very unsure of how I fit into the world around me. I played water polo as the #2 goalie. Swam the 50 free, 100 free, and 100 breast. By far not the fastest, but certainly not the slowest in my disciplines. I had it rough, as many kids that age believe that they have it rough. I was suicidal as a junior and a zealot as a senior. Really, though, I was lonely. But I didn't date very often and didn't learn the etiquette of dating, that one learns at that age.

College was a different ballgame. I had thrown off the mantle of the church and went hog wild. I dated more. Learned more about me, but what I really learned was sex. I found something in which I was really good. However, the relationship angle, beyond the sex, I couldn't quite grasp.

Adult relationships continued this way for a long time. At least another five years after I graduated. Until finally, I made the decision that "Sex is an important thing, but I need the friendship in equal amounts."

Thus far, I have cultivated the relationship, but the sex sucked. Or the sex is great, but the relationship sucks. I still have a problem balancing the two. Or rather, finding both in one person.

Oh, I can go out and some action, if I really need it. But that game is old and boring. I can go out and date, but that always ends in "just a friendship".

In this, my off-season, I contemplate these things.

What if I had...Should I...